Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness -- Desmond Tutu

Incidents in and around the city in recent weeks can be disheartening and disappointing to say the very least.  The morning newspaper headlines bring more sorrow and anguish.  Globally, nationally and locally we are hearing of tragedy after tragedy.  As adults we struggle to cope let alone understand.  As a family member we want to comfort, explain or answer our children.

The Blog has dealt with anger, hurt, sorrow, pain and suffering numerous times over the years.  There are no words that can take away what has happened or who was harmed.  Taking the next step or seeing through the sunset onto the morning can be tremendous challenges.

A few blocks away from here was another incident of horror that stretches understanding, shatters a sense of safety and questions what is really happening in our worlds.  Neighbors, friends and family experience the hurt and loss.  Numerous community members know the people involved.  The hurt spreads through the community.

Below are some thoughts about listening to children.  Please share with your spiritual leaders and hug one another.  We can find strength and comfort in one another.

8 Ways to Help Your Grieving Student

• Give grieving students the opportunity to tell you what happened and how they feel.

• Encourage them to work with you to make modifications and accommodations to their schoolwork. This will help them voice what they need and how they are feeling. Grieving is a process. Make sure you are patient and give them adequate time to resume a normal workflow. Putting too much pressure on them too quickly may result in an emotional breakdown or school avoidance.

• Don’t distort the truth or lie to kids about tragedy. Children will often see through lies and will feel more alone and confused with their feelings because they know you don’t want to talk with them about the truth. Knowing the truth will help kids begin to heal because they have a complete understanding of events.

• Encourage children to ask questions about death or the traumatic loss. Often if things are not discussed, children will create their own, inaccurate interpretations of events. For example if a child’s parent commits suicide, the child may falsely decide that they caused it somehow. Helping children understand the event will insure that their interpretations are accurate, as painful as the truth may be.

• Understand that we all grieve differently. There is no right or wrong way to do it. There may be a great deal of anger, the need for vengeance, and an ongoing sense of worry for your student. Always remember that it is hard work for your student to grieve. You are only able to be helpful in supporting them in their process.

• Encourage “active coping” techniques, which refers to taking action to seek out help when one is hurting. Be straightforward with your student that you really want to understand what they need and how they are feeling. Give them time and encouragement since they often may not be able to express themselves or let you know what they need right away.

• Connect them with a place to go outside the classroom if they become upset. This may be the school psychologist or counselors office, the librarian, whoever seems like they will be most helpful. Let the student know they are free to leave the class whenever they feel like they need space.

• Make sure you manage your own grief appropriately. The death of a student, teacher, or staff member can affect you as well as your students. Keep in mind that you need to take care of yourself as well, and if you need to miss school or take time to get help yourself, you will be much more effective at helping your students in the long run. Remember that they are learning from your response. It is perfectly appropriate to cry softly with your students or express your sadness, but if you become hysterical it may be more upsetting for them. Go through your own process but make sure to take time away if you are not okay.

How to Encourage Other Students to Help a Grieving Friend

• Make sure to clarify their understanding of the event in the life of their friend.

• Reassure them that their own families are safe.

• Be aware that children that have experienced loss may be triggered by their friend’s loss; they may need support in coping with painful memories.

• Talk to students about how to give condolences to their friend. Tell them what to say and what not to say. Help them make cards or write letters.

• Prepare children that their friend may act differently for a while.

• Encourage them to play with their grieving friend, and that doing fun things after school may be a welcome distraction.

Dealing with death is a difficult, but inevitable part of being a teacher. You are in a position to be of immense help to your class and teaching them healthy coping skills. -- Kit Richert, Ph.D.

http://teaching.monster.com/benefits/articles/1927-how-to-help-your-students-deal-with-grief-and-loss