Suggestion for Parents

Eight Suggestions for Improving Parent-Teacher Relations

In this

New York Times article, sixth-grade teacher Sara Mosle says some parents are

overly intrusive, which robs children of the opportunity to solve problems themselves and puts

teachers on the defensive. At the other extreme is parents holding back for fear of irritating

teachers and sparking retaliation against their children. Here are Mosle’s ideas for a productive

middle ground:

• Parents should encourage their children to take the lead in sorting out difficulties with

teachers. College admissions officers tell school people that they look for students who have

developed confidence and “voice.”

• Parents and teachers should use e-mail and text messages only to convey simple

information like appointments or scheduled absences. For anything more substantive,

especially if one party is annoyed or angry, it’s better to pick up the phone or speak in person.

Conflicts can escalate in e-mail exchanges in ways that would never happen speaking face to

face.

• Parents should not cc. the principal or other administrators when e-mailing about

routine issues. “It’s disrespectful to teachers and parents alike,” says Palo Alto superintendent

Kevin Skelly, “as it sends the message you don’t think there’s even a chance you can work this

out on your own.”

• Teachers should respond to parent communications promptly, even if it’s a brief

acknowledgement and a request for some time to solve a problem. For their part, parents

should appreciate that teachers are busy during the day and may have other responsibilities

after school. “My students know that I’m unlikely to respond to an e-mail between the hours of

6 p.m. and 9 p.m.,” says Mosle, “as that’s when I’m focusing on being a parent to my own

child.”

 Teachers should immediately apologize if they drop the ball. “Nothing is more

disarming,” says Skelly, “and it’s so simple to do.”

• Teachers and parents should emphasize and build on children’s strengths. Mosle

confesses that she doesn’t do this enough as a teacher, and urges everyone, “if you have

something positive to say, say it early and often.”

• When there are conflicts, parents and teachers should present specific desired

outcomes that will help the child do better.

• Parents and teachers should “proceed with humility,” says Mosle, taking with a grain

of salt occasional bellyaching about teachers, especially by adolescents working through issues

with authority. “The teenager, being a teenager, may not rank your parenting skills very high,

either,” says Skelly.

“The Parent-Teacher Trap” by Sara Mosle in

The New York Times, Jan. 13, 2013 (p. SR7),

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/11/the-dicey-parent-teacher-duet/