The old familiar high school dance. What has happen to those? An opportunity has presented itself for an interesting dinner time conversation. Which dance should I go to on Friday or Saturday night?I think it only appropriate that the family have that conversation. Over the years, the idea of dancing has developed its own various definitions. One of moving the feet and body to the rhythm of the music to one of sexual interplay.
Now where does the family come into the picture and then the extension -- the school? The old high school dance. Is it a sexual experience? Or fun and games?
What happens in the basement of your home or the back seat of the Chevy may not be public business. But what happens at a school activity has different obligations and responsibilities. 13, 14 and 15 year olds find navigating the social norms difficult in the best of times. I might be so bold to say that many 20 year olds are still trying to figure out the "rules" of social interaction.
Well, they all do it. That is the common excuse. But, no one will like me or they will think I am _____ -- you finish the sentence. The pressure to conform is tremendous on young people - and many old people. Rubbing one's privates against another seems a bit intrusive to me but then I may be a bit removed from the modern age. On the other hand I think that is a great family discussion.
It appears that the Winter Formal has started the conversation. Because the rule makers said there shall be no bumping and grinding at the school sponsored dance, some students have decided to have their own party. So, as it should be, it is up to the families to decide the venue for their children. There is no rule that a student has to attend a school dance. There is no problem with students and/or their families having parties and socials at any time.
I do not believe that any person needs to feel pressured to present him or herself in a vulnerable and sexual position. The bumping and grinding of persons in a public settings seems a bit much. Or as one of our older student put it "sexual exploration." Maybe that has some place in a health course or even better in your own home but I am not sure that sexual exploration is the purpose of a high school dance.
It appears there are going to be choices this weekend. I think that is great. Families need to decide what are the common values for that family. What is okay for your son and daughter?
14 comments:
"Rubbing one's privates against another seems a bit intrusive to me but then I may be a bit removed from the modern age."
Of course you're removed from the modern age, you are an old man. In fact I am almost positive that you were never even with the 'modern' age when you were a kid, to me you seem like one of those people who was always fat and picked on when you were a kid. It is a shame. But most fat people bring it upon themselves; eat less if you don't want to be picked on. I am sorry that you never had an 'age' of your own to be in, but it quite immature of you to insult or disagree with someone else's 'age'.
Since there does not appear to be quesion I will not attempt to answer. Thank you for your thoughts and recommendations.
Haha so basically someone's mad because no ones going to the school dance? People pay money for the dance why would they pay money for somethig that they couldnt even dance how they wanted to at? People don't want to just jump around like 5th graders. you obviously Are very conservative because of when you were born. no ones forcing anyone to dance that way despite your outlandish views of pier pressure. Also, you're dillusional if you think kids are going to let their parents pick for them what to do. Why would people who are 16+ let their parents pick what dance they go to? what people do outside of school isn't your buissness. this is just a sad pathetic attempt at getting people to go to formal
Yes you are removed from the modern age.. Grinding is just the style of dancing now, it's how teenagers have fun at dances. No one is forced to grind, they can say no. People want to go to southwest dances but they don't want to pay to go to a dance that isn't any fun. I suggest you rethink your dance policy and the way you handle situations such as students planning a party that they actually want to go to in a better way. The way things are going on now, no one will go to dances and they'll be canceled. Students want dances. They just don't want you to restrict them so much.
This seems like a very difficult issue to tackle from all standpoints. First of all I would like to commend Dr. Smith on at least attempting to work with the student body and the student council to create events that are both fun, and maintain a level of decency that is appropriate at event that is sponsored by the school. This seems like an almost unattainable goal. That is why I think the future of dances as we know them will be very different. We are just beginning to figure out that it may no longer work the way it has in the past. Which brings me to my next point. I would like to single out the three students who planned the dance separate from the school. It seems to me like these three should be recognized as leaders and congratulated by the school. They, along with much of the student body, didn't like the changes that were coming to the school dances, so they went out and did something about it instead of complaining about the oppressive administration of SW. They planned, successfully, I might add, the event that they knew their classmates were looking for. As a student at SW I have heard rumors that the administration has been interfering with these plans, going so far as to call the venue which is hosting the student organized dance. I actually do not believe that this is true but if it is it is outrageous. To tell kids you cannot provide them with something they want, then to take it away when they go out and get it themselves goes against the basic idea of what we are attempting to learn in high school, to be functioning adults who are able to organize ourselves and achieve our goals. Not to mention that babysitting mostly 18 year olds in their free time, outside of school seems to be completely overstepping boundaries and the job of being a staff member at a high school. I understand that it was uncalled for to plan the event the same night as the school dance, but now that it is on a different night, I believe the school needs to know where their jurisdiction ends.
So I would like to thank administration for attempting to provide events that they deem appropriate. I really understand how hard this job must be and I would like to thank Dr. Smith especially, as he probably receives more grief from my peers than he deserves. I would also like to thank the student body, especially the seniors Max, Nate, and Meredith for going out and getting what they wanted when it wasn't being provided to them by the school. You guys keep doin you. Lastly thanks to student council for being the ones who have to be the go between for the two above mentioned group.
Maybe those parents who don't have a problem with grinding should be chaperoning these dances to get a first hand glimpse of their kids in "action." That may open their eyes to what is actually going on. Put their time and energy where their mouths are for once.
The wristband system worked very well as far as I could see (I have been a parent chaperone). Students who were dancing inappropriately were asked to sit out and not allowed to dance. The reason students don't want to go to the Winter Formal is the new rule that if one person dances inappropriately everyone will be required to leave the dance. Why would any SW student want to spend money on an expensive ticket and a new outfit, only to be sent home from an event if someone else doesn't follow the rules? SW kids are smart. They know there are always kids who don't follow the rules. Administrators should be smart too. Students in the past have enjoyed school sponsored dances. And they learned how to behave in a large group social setting. What is better, a school supervised dance that most kids participate in appropriately? Or a student organized dance that is not supervised by school personnel? That is the question you should have asked parents to consider. As much as you try to dump this situation in the hands of parents, SWHS is responsible for pushing its students into creating and managing their own event. My hope is that they dance however they want to dance and do nothing illegal. I also hope SWHS administrators realize what will be lost as school dances are no more: the sense of community, an opportunity to particpate in a social event that was organized by school peers, and spending time with friends and classmates all dressed up and doing something special. Whoever made this decision to do away with the wristband system is responsible for what happens at the student-organized party. I hope it goes well because my student will be there.
We agree with you. The rules established by administration. Are exactly as you state. Those in violation go home. The rest has been the conversation of the students. The situation is in the hands of the parent. How your children spend their home hours is completely up to you as it should be. Hope all have a great time.
I'd like to address this situation from the viewpoint of a student council member and student of Southwest. With the strict policy the administration enforced, student council voted and made the executive decision to hold winter formal because we felt it was our responsibility to hold a fun event that ANYONE can enjoy and we are sticking to it. As a student council member I will continue to support the choice we made in the face of overwhelming adversity. With that being said, the administration really does need to consider what they are doing with this policy. They make it hard as a student council to get the student body to get excited about a "no grinding" dance and it makes us look powerless. We can't blame the situation on the administration when announcing the dance because that also makes us look bad. Student council is doing the best we can. We are losing a great deal of community with this policy. Attendance for this dance WILL be lower than ever before, and this would happen even if there wasn't another party taking place the night before. On that note, because of this policy, you are not giving the kids what they want, so several students took charge to give students what they want. Not only does this create resentment and bad blood between the student body and the school/student council, I can guarantee this party would be frowned upon by parents and administrators alike. You can only imagine what illicit activities teenagers will engage in such an environment. While I admire the initiative of the students who organized the party, it makes the job of student council that much harder. So the way I see it, let the kids be kids. Let them grind, I'm sure even the fuddy duddiest administrator can relate to some extent the mind of a teenager. Even the kids who don't grind will go, as they have in the past. The policy is unnecessary, and makes the job of student council near impossible, and encourages students to host separate events, thus dividing the school in so many ways.
A few comments from a former Laker in his twenties... Students don't think about consequences. If its not a school dance, it doesn't have the school rules. So yes, you can dry hump all night long but you can also come drunk as breathilizing of students will not be done. However, lets imagine what will happen when a few of the students at the "rebellious" dance get crazy and something goes wrong. Assaults, Rape, Fights, Detox visits, etc. (I know you think this stuff wouldn't happen, but everyone will say that until it does). The morning headlines will tell it all- Top School in State has students who do xyz. I'm not saying the students don't have valid points and that the administration (likely pressured by the school board and parents) may have gone too far in "pushing" this to happen, but students- take a minute and make sure you are making the right choice. The school provides a safe environment for you, your parents should realize this and be grateful, before its too late.
Not exactly sure how the stduents are dealing with the wristbands. That was a great idea and seemed to have value. The rule is and always has been from the first discussion about Sadies and the Winter Formal that violators will be sent home. That has not changed. The complaint last year was that no one knew. So this year - thanks to many- the entire world knows. In fact Student Council members went from room to room and explained the purpose and why. I believe some students created an informative video. The students who want to party away from the school sponsored event have their own reasons. That is not new. In some cases families rent hotel rooms and the party is there. In some cses the family opens their home and the party happens there. There is no rule that students have to attend a school event. That is between the family and the child. Aa you read in some of the responses, different home operate diferently. This is not the first time a set of students have chosen to operate their own event. That doesn't change the idea that the school sponsored event will not permit bumping and grinding and the harrassment of each other - male or female.
Wow parent...talk about passing the buck. When your student partakes in something "illegal", it will be administrations fault??? Are you teaching this type philosophy to your child as well? How them accountable dear parent.....or someday, someone will.
1. Why would people who are 16+ let their parents pick what dance they go to?
Hmm maybe because they respect their parent’s wishes. I believe many parents would prefer their student to attend a school sponsored event rather than a dance that includes people who are openly promoting arriving under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
2. What people do outside of school isn't your business.
True, except when it is being branded as an alternative Southwest dance. Then it becomes the concern of the school. If sales of tickets had been done privately, off of school premises then it would have been a different issue.
3. Grinding is just the style of dancing now, it's how teenagers have fun at dances. No one is forced to grind, they can say no.
Commentary from the fall dance was quite different. Many students felt very uncomfortable and forced into situations they did not safe in. Much of this came from grinding (either being forced to or students acting inappropriate around them).
4. Even the kids who don't grind will go, as they have in the past.
However, many students said they would never attend another dance as they felt incredibly uncomfortable with what was happening to them or around them. Based on the dance in the fall, many students were turned off to school dances altogether.
The point made by the alum in his twenties should be heeded by students. I know some of you are adults but many are not and some in the school are as young as 13/14. All it takes is for one negative incident for the entire climate of a school to change. Although the dance tomorrow may be a great time and incident free, it can also go very badly, especially if students are showing up under the influence of either alcohol or drugs as many are planning on being. I hope this will not be the case but there should be a legitimate fear about this occurring.
Let’s really think about the situation.
Any individual should consider their actions. Regardless of, if it’s on or off school property, before, during or after school time.
An intelligent individual considers any outcome, consequences or awards.
School dances are not to raise money for the school; however, the money collected goes back to Student Council for that specific class. Did you know the money that is raised at these events go to fund Graduation, the Senior Party, & future class reunions?
Do you know the definition of bumping and grinding?
According to UrbanDictionary.com:
The action of dancing which requires the buttocks to tease the groin of the partner...in which the dancer is dancing with.
Do you know twerking means?
According to UrbanDictionary.com:
Also known as dirty dancing. When a woman slams her bottom on a man’s pelvic area while dancing. The man can also lunge his pelvic area forward for a harder bang. This usually performed in a dance club along with upbeat music.
AS A PARENT HOW CAN YOU BE OKAY WITH THIS TYPE OF DANCING?
PARENT WHO HAS PREVIOUSLY CHAPERONED:
Apparently the wristband system did not work, making it so SWHS has decided to take more precautions to stop this inappropriate behavior.
FOR THE SAFETY OF THE STUDENTS, YOUR CHILDREN!
Spend money on an expensive ticket and new outfit? Well, did you know the other event is only $5 less than the “school supervised dance” with “supervised school personnel”? Where did you hear that the students would be sent home if one person didn’t follow the rules? Instead of just listening to your student, why wouldn’t these questions, as a parent, be addressed with the school?
If this were the case, the wristband policy would have worked, the complaints about the lights being turned on at other events because of this inappropriate behavior, wouldn’t have been a concern by students. Well, honestly, there would have been no need because “they learned how to behave in a large group social setting”.
The situation, why is it anyone else’s responsibility to handle the situation. Shouldn’t this concern be addressed between a parent and child? It is up to the parents to distinguish what is appropriate and what is not. What leads to bad consequences and good ones? “This situation” leads to inappropriate behavior, such as, rape, harassment, touching, etc. that a parent should be educating their child on. It is not just the responsibility of SWHS to address these concerns. So who is really “dumping this situation”?
Dances are for students, not for the adults. The students will lose out on this situation, which yes is sad, however it is their decision because they have chosen the bumping and grinding over supporting their own classmates. The students and parents are making their own decision, based on a form of inappropriate dancing and behavior.
I, as well, hope the student-organized function will go well. However, the word “hope” is extremely important. The bumping and grinding, which is the controversy in this matter, will not be encouraged at the school event. Ensuring the uncomfortable feelings and protection of the students are the main priority. At the school events, you do not have to “hope” it to go well. You will know that students are provided a safe atmosphere, with no drinking or drugs, with supervision and most definitely a good time.
Good for you that you are sending your student to the student event Friday night. My student will be attending a school dance on Saturday night, and for me, I DON’T HAVE TO HOPE! I WILL know my student will be in the safe hands of staff and their peers. The encouragement for this behavior shows how accountable the students are and how much parents really know what is going on in their students’ lives.
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