Two weeks in the life of a teenager is several years long. The social network is vastly improved in recent years with computers and facebook and tweeter, but there still is nothing to substitute face-to-face. Older kids usually have means of transportation and even jobs sometimes, But for the younger ones this time of year can be "lonely."
It isn't that they are getting too old for family events and in most cases they really do enjoy the normal family customs and rituals. They just don't act like it. They miss their friends and the daily contact and interactions that comes with school.
For some school is a pseudo-independence and growing up. The holidays and family gatherings quickly remind them they are still children. In some cases older siblings return home and some even bring their own children. Thus, attention is scattered across numerous people that are not part of the happenings in the previous months.
Continually attempting to include a growling young one doesn't seem that pleasant but is important. The 13 or 14 year old will maintain his/her independence by claiming isolation and separation especially from the events associated with being young, but they really do want to be part of the family. Your "forcing" them helps them save face by at least protesting.
There may be events that the young people could skip. Kids do grow up and what is great fun for a 10 year old might just not make it with a 14 year old. But in many cases those difference are obvious.
Watching the young people grow up is difficult. The holiday season can be one of the times that it all comes crashing together and be its own source of conflict and confusions. The first step is to recognize the possibilities of problems and attempting to deal with them realistically and with kindness.
All family time together should be meaningful and fun. And there are times you have to repeat that frequently to yourself when you live with a teenager.
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